LIFE

My life
I want to achieve, exceed expectation..
I know I can
Where to start..
Simple it seems
Difficult it is
So much doubt in me
So much questioning within
The giant"s slumber persists
The dwarf dominates
With this piece
I hope to get peace
The giant to awaken,unshaken
Driven to strive, thrive and achieve
Greatness
Stored within
Untapped..
Each word, a weight off the soul
A step towards a dream
Lived in imagination
With little evidence in reality
Time to make it right
Wake up and fight
Step by step do it
Away with the doubt
In with a bout
Leave my life emptied
Lives inspired
Legacy enriched

REASONS YOU NEED TO DATE AN ENGINEER

Ladies, lets face it. It seems like there are slim picking out there when it comes finding the perfect boyfriend, and eventually the perfect husband. Forget the losers you dated in high school and the frat boys from college and even the sleazy professionals from your first job in the real world. What you are looking for, my friends, is a man who’s an engineer.

Here are 7 slightly more specific reasons why you need an engineer.

They make great money

 Ok, it’s no secret that engineers make incredible money. And what girl isn’t looking for a little sugar here and there? But what sets engineers apart from the rest of these high-power, high-money positions is that they won’t go overboard with showing off their bling.

Engineers tend to stay humble about their money, but still want to spoil the heck out of his lady. It’s the perfect balance, really!!

They have a stable job

The Kenyan economy has always needed engineers, and they will always will. On top of that, a 27 yr old former engineering student probably has a few good, solid years of experience under his belt at that point, versus a law student who’s probably still going to school and will be paying off school loans for the rest of his life.

No, an engineer has a steady job straight out of college, and they don’t need an obscene amount of school. That means more time for you- YAY!

They are freaking smart

How sick are you of going on dates with lame-o guys who don’t know how to carry on a good intelligent conversation?  Ladies want to go on a date with a man who knows how to discuss important topics- not just shoes, clothes cars and definitely no politics.

Engineers are great for that-but they also won’t overpower you with the smartness. They will still love to hear about your latest shopping spree, I’m sure (translation: they are smart but laid back too)

They work hard to understand you

Engineers make very sure in their day-to-day lives to understand their tasks at hand. You are just another task to him to accomplish, so he will do everything in his power to work to understand you and learn to make you happy.

When he figures out what works he will store it as a “formula” in his head and remembers that it makes you happy- and he will continue to repeat it while making tiny variations each time so you are still on your toes. It’s a wonderful and exciting happiness!!

They are dedicated

Did you, or do you know any engineering students in school? Do you see them about a parties, or were they always at the library with their nose in a book (this definitely not me, I loved having a good time to release the steam)

Engineers are naturally dedicated to their profession, and such dedication is carried over into other aspects of their lifestyle- like paying attention to you. That’s a win-win right there: a guy totally dedicated to you and his successful career? My friend grace just said yes to that.

They are too busy to cheat

As if the dedication factor wasn’t already enough, add into the equation the fact that they have crazy project deadlines to meet and rarely have much free time, and you have yourself a cheat-proof boyfriend/husband

Don’t let that stuff scare you, though- yes, they are busy, but they will always find time for you. They are great time managers!

They do all the handy work

Whether you own a house or live in an apartment, when something goes wrong, who do you call to fix it?? Do you shell out money to the pros when there is a crack on your floor or the pipes under your sink burst?

Let’s be honest- most of the men don’t that’s why you have to call the pros. But when you have an engineer for a boyfriend / husband you have a built-in handyman. They are smart enough to figure out all the tough stuff, and he won’t charge you(except for a hug or a kiss-which you should give anyway)

PUBLIC MEMO

 ATTENTION LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

The # WorldCup Is approaching & we'd
like to clarify a few things and set
some very simple straight rules...

1. Kenya didn't qualify..AND there is a
5 hour time difference between Rio De
Janeiro & East Africa so please... NO
stupid questions.

2. Ronaldo the Brazilian & Ronaldo the
Portuguese are not related.

3. Non soccer conversations shall not
be tolerated within regulation, injury,
extra time or during penalties...

4. You shall support the teams, I
support, smile only when my team is
winning & shout GOAL!.... when its
actually a GOAL.

5. Tell YOUr girlfriends not to wed,
have babies, fall sick or die during
#WorldCup. We won't go!!!

6. Its the #WorldCup & there is no
Arsenal or Barcelona. It happens once
in four years so don't ask if its the
same as the game from last week...

7. We shall watch any soap, reality
show, romantic, African, Afro cinema
movie as long as they shoot it in Brazil
& the cast are from World Cup
participating teams...

8. There shall be no comments about
Christiano Ronaldo's looks.
Professionalism shall remain an
absolute part of the #WorldCup.
9. If you miss the line-up presentation,
please do not ask... "who is that guy?"
10. Everyone shall learn all soccer rules
prior to the #WorldCup. Any questions
like, "why is that guy running on the
line waving a checkered flag?" will not
be tolerated.
11. For the full #WorldCup period, the
remote control shall reside in my
pocket and shall only be operated by
me else under my written authority or
consent...
Thank you...
Kind Regards,
GENTLEMAN'S ASSOCIATION

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

OBJECT OF TEMPTATION

She
She catwalks across the room
The long legs with red high heels at the
feet
The tempting hips revealed by the
miniskirt
The tap of the heels echoed within the
walls
Draining all noise from it
Making the place have a loud silence.
The curves of her thighs
The persistent bulging of her two set of
twins top and under
Saying,"take a good look at me"
And a good look did all men take
Every pair of eyes bading her bye
From the back...her silhouette
surpasses the shape of an hourglass
Putting the number 8 to shame.
She is an image of myriad expressions
Her hair...silk can't compare
Her skin...the finest of velvet
She looks like a character from a fairy
tale
Like a flower from the gardens of
Asgard
She is indeed an object of temptation
A perfect definition of a wavy
imagination.

JUST THINKING

So, I'm accessing a situation here...
On a personal level, I don't like getting
all emotional and talking about
relationships because I know how it
makes me look like. That aside...
Today, I'll say something.
It's really a great feeling finding love.
When you wake up today alone,
without love, and go sleep in the
evening with love, it truly is a fantastic
feeling. It rejuvenates you, makes you
happy and we all know what we always
think about...your new love.
Most of our love stories have a specific
time frame where all that happens, we
all can relate to.
The quarreling, the fighting, the giving
up. (I started with the bad side
because mostly we remember the bad
more than the good)
Then there is the dates, the club
hopping, the pizzas, the movies, the
gifts... You name it!
-pause-
I went to the shop yesterday to buy
some chewing gum because my gas
cylinder was leaking kidogo after I
removed the burner. It was empty, but
had a little gas in it.
Now, the speed at which I chewed the
gum, sucked all the sugar out and used
it to block the leaking gas... Was
amazing! All the sugar in it, gone. And
then it was as useless as an empty pen.
-pause-
I have had my fair share of love, being
loved and loving back. I have lived the
fairy tales, the ugly part and the
miscellaneous part too.
When loving, I think age does matter.
I'm not saying that it dictates
everything, but it plays one major
role...
The "How long" part.
When you're young, in the adolescent
age, relationships never, in most cases,
last long. It's because we are hyper,
and the energy is oozing from all
corners of our anatomy.
Being cocooned in one place(I mean
staying with one person) , feels like a
prison, a proper one at that. So we
jump around, looking for fun,
adventure and thrills.
This is where I bring in the chewing
gum idea.
When it's still wrapped, it's tasty, and
you can't wait to start chewing it.
Five minutes down the line, it's the
most tasteless thing your mouth can
accommodate.
If it's in pallets, you will definitely pull
out another and throw the "tasteless"
one away. Similar to adolescent
relationships, that's precisely what
happens.
When we grow up, we tend to change,
we're more diverse and sure of what
we want, our priorities seem perfect
and predictable.
Challenge is, the world teaches you a
few tricks which sometimes we find
ourselves applying in our relationships
and thus, the chewing gum factor sets
in, even in our most mature age. But
there's a catch!
Picture this, a 6yr old girl chewing
gum, hand her another, she’ll spit out
the "old" one and take the "new" one.
Now, personally, if I had a pack of a
brand chewing gum, let's say PK, took
one, when the sugar is done, I'll
automatically add another in my
mouth without spitting out the old
one.
In many cases!
I will automatically have
accommodated the old and new at the
same time.
Now back to relationship issues, you
get the sense?
I believe my research has gotten a
conclusion.

MY MUM

My mom, I love her
And that's why I pray
Not just today on this Mother's Day
But with each remembrance
Of the love she's expressed
My thankfulness to the Lord I've professed
For my life began
In a warm and safe place
Then grew more secure in Mom's tender
embrace
When I was little
She taught me to crawl
Then to walk and run, and get up when I fall
Nurtured and cared for
She raised me to stand
Lifted, supported, by her loving hand
She believed in me
Inspired me to dream
Nothing was impossible for me, it seemed
It was her example
That pointed the way
To the life in Christ I know today
My mom, I love her
On this Mother's Day
She's the reason I'm taking this moment to
pray
My mom, I love her
Let her know, dear Lord
Please bless her with the most abundant
reward

HAPPY EASTER

Here are festive flowers for your
room,
A spray of springtime on your bare
night table:
P laced upon a place within your
view;
P laced where best to light your
harried heart.
Y et my blossoms can't dispel your
gloom,
E ven were they many times more
able:
All that gifts from loving friends can
do
S ings just one unaccompanied inner
part.
T he music cannot come from aught
but you,
E vangelist beside the empty tomb
R ejoicing with all innocence and art.

20 TYPES OF KENYAN GIRLS

Someone once said that Kenya has the most
beautiful girls in Africa.
People can debate on that all day however
the one thing we would all agree on is the
uniqueness of Kenyan women in terms of
their characters and stereotypes.
Some of the stuff may not sit well with some
people because it may be adversely
mentioning them. This is my opinion and is
subject to change.
We hope somebody soon crafts a foolproof
guide to Kenyan men soon.
Foolproof guide to Kenyan women. Enjoy…!?

1) Alice the Alcoholic.
Most of her facebook statuses are about how
she is going to get wasted,got wasted, or
missed work coz she slept till midday on a
Tuesday.
Proudly says how she had whiskey, gin and
tonic or tequila with her lunch(this lot have
long graduated to serious drinks not these
ma-blackices). Buys her own drinks, has a
nice job, 3 ton chip on her shoulder.
Chances of being a good wife or girlfriend…
nil.
2) Betty the Bitter Single Mum.
At every table, in every bar or restaurant in
this country, there is a bitter single mum.
She casually calls the father of her kid ‘
bastard’ and has man issues that would make
FIDAs most male bashing lawyer look like a
geisha.
Men are dogs, she says. Then spends the rest
of the night whining how Kenyan men are too
insecure they cant date a single mum.
Date-ability depends on how bad her
bitterness is.
3) Cathy the Cougar
She may be a jeisty Karen wife, or a
shrubbing farmer from Nyeri, but increasingly
Kenya’s dating scene is becoming the hunting
ground for old women with money to burn on
young men.
Dont be fooled. She only wants you for your
body. You arent allowed to shag anyone else
and must be at her beck and call. If at 3
a.m. on a Tuesday she calls you up and tells
you to meet her…you move your fecking A$
chap chap.
Your mum would have a heart attack if she
found out you are doing her.
Your bank manager would have a heart attack
if you stopped doing her.
If you manage to rock her world, she will ask
you to marry her. Good luck having any
respect in society.
4) Dorothy the Divorcee
Her ex-husband shagged anything in a skirt.
Now she is in the market earnestly trying to
show him up.
Prefers more mature and working men. Your
future prospects depend on how much one
man’s trash can
really be another man’s treasure.
5) Emma Evil
Mean, rude, stingy and unfortunately
gorgeous as hell. Knows she is beautiful and
thinks that gives her carte blanche to do
whatever she likes.
Has no concept of guilt or remorse. You
wouldnt be surprised if you found a human
skull and occult paraphanelia in her
wardrobe.
6) Fifi the Freak
She certainly is very…ahem…popular. Goes
home with a different guy every friday and
you know at least seven of your pals whom
she has been with.
Boss, stay away from this chick, unless you
dont mind getting rashes in personal places.
7) Gladys goody-two-shoes.
Every sentence has one of these words. ”
church, pastor, bible, salvation,sin, holy, no.”
She is the girl with the ankle length skirts,
bible in her handbag, who wont meet you in
a bar coz its a sin, goes for prayer meetings
every night and carries annointing oil with
her.
Unless you are actually a committed christian
man looking for a wife, stay away from her
or risk being struck by lightening.
8) Harriet the Hustler
We all know atleast one chick like this. She is
always on her phone, talking in machine-gun
speed vernacular doing deals about plots,
kukus or farm produce. Can sell you anything
you want from a car to a tractor to an eigth
in rongai. Just give her five minutes and
some airtime.
Annoying as girlfriends this lot make better
wives, as long as you know that while
cheating is forgiveable, losing her money is
not.
9)Immaculate, who is anything but
immaculate.
Spent her early 20s living it up, being
shagged by politicians and musicians.
Now in her late 20s/ early 30s she is turning
a new leaf and is looking for a husband. She
has changed all her friends, uses her middle
name so that her former identity doesnt get
discovered, joined a conservative church and
is practicing secondary virginity.
We all have a past, so if you are a mature
and forgiving, understanding man…date her.
But most men are shallow hypocrites who run
for the hills when they find out she was once
secretary to the cabinet.
10) Jane the Joker
28 years old. No job. No income. Lives with
her parents. Didnt finish University, is always
doing some wierd short courses. Has no drive
but drives a souped up car. Thinks daddy will
always bethere to provide.
Wants a rich man to make her his housewife.
Doesnt cook, clean or talk to poor people.
11) Kate from Karen
Snobbery in designer jeans. Kate only mixes
within ‘her social class’.
Prefers twitter to facebook and tells you to
your face that she rejected your friend
request ” coz we just work together, i mean,
its not like we are friends friends. But we can
still do email.”
Your car must be german, clothes itallian and
she will not show up if the restaurant isnt
japanese or turkish. Has never been east of
moi avenue. Holidays in Bali while you
holiday in Nyali.
Date her if you are old money. You may get
away with being new money so long as its a
lot of new money.
12) Laura Loud-Mouth
Gossips like a fishmonger’s wife. Everything
and aything you tell her will soon be public
knowledge. Has a loud annoying voice, loud
annoying laugh and only an idiot would date
her let alone marry her.Has no real friends,
loves being the centre of attention and
conversation. Is a pathological liar.
13) Moody Molly
One minute she is all rainbows and
butterflies the next she is a tsunami of anger
and tears. Her extreme mood swings scare
you and you instictively move back slightly if
she has a knife, even if its a bread knife in a
restaurant.
14) Nelly the clingy Nag
She calls you at 6 to say good morning. At 8
to find out if you got to work okay. Sends you
three texts, writes on your wall and calls you
twice before lunch, She always wants to be
with you and gives you annoying petnames.
Goes ballistic or naggy when you say you
cant see her.
15) Sally Shagzmodo
‘Wow djon, ndhis is a ravry les-toe-lant.’
Hotter than a somalia summer you try and
ignore the mother tongue interference,
accent and wierd perfume. You focus on the
hourglass figure, flawless skin and hope to
heaven that she wont ask the maitre d if she
can have some ugali rather than spaghetti
with her meatballs.
16) Tanya Too-Good-To-Be-True
She cooks like a chef, has a hot figure, sharp
mind and good sense of humour.
She loves football and rugby, your boys like
her, your family adores her and ever since
you met her your life has been perfect.
Extensive background checks have revealed
nothing untoward about her past,she comes
from a good-normal family, is loving and will
make a great wife and mother.
Run. This chick will sacrifice you to some idol
somewhere in karura forest.
17) Vivian the Virgin
After being in C.U. all thru high school and
university, Vivian has decided she now wants
to taste the forbiden fruit.
But only if you are going to marry her. As in,
you have met her parents and started
brideprice negotiations.
She talks about marriage on the first date.
18) Wendy the Wannabe
Wendy name drops, has fb pictures of her
with famous people and is constantly looking
for the next celebrity event or club opening.
Within two minutes of meeting you she has
already asked what you drive,where you live
and where you work.
If you answer you dont have a car, live in
eastlands and are tarmacking she will sneer,
despite the fact that all three are true for
her as well.
19) Yasmin
Yasmin is a muslim. She may even wear a
buibui. But when she comes over to your
house she drinks alcohol and eats pork. No
pun intended. Okay, pun intended. She wont
be seen with you in public and if her dad
finds out an infidel has taken the fidelity of
his daughter there will be a fatwa and jihad
on your A$.
Marrying her means changing religions.
20) Zipporah Manzi wa Mtaa
Listens exclusively to genge and reggae,
knows every matatu on their home route
down to the specifications of the music
system. When you suggest watching Karate
Kid at the cinema she tells you not to waste
2k, you can get a dvd of it for 50 bob, buy
some nyama and napoleon brandy and watch
it at home.

DEALING WITH PARANOIA

At one point in the relationship, u will feel insecure about your spouse.
If that insecurity isnt handle well, it might escalate and lead to
breakups and divorce. here are some tips on how to handle paranoia.

• Restructure your thoughts about your
spouse to make them positive. If a spouse is
always suspicious and snooping around their
partners, chances are that they will always
get hurt. This is because in the real sense,
they are looking for evidence ‘to make them
hurt!
• Build trust in your relationship. Avoid such
small panics such as they’re late, they didn’t
pick your call. Believe you know them better
than anybody else and you know what they
can or cannot do.
• Discuss your insecurity with your spouse.
This may look embarrassing but let them
know that you are insecure and elaborate the
reasons. This may make them stop behaving
in the way that makes you insecure.
• Build your self-esteem. Doubts that you’re
inadequate for your spouse can make you
tremble with insecurity. You will always be
seeing the other people worthier than you.
Building your self-esteem will make you
confident that you are the best for your
spouse.
Njiru Boniface a divorce lawyer in Nairobi
advises a couple to:
• Consult a marriage counsellor or a religious
leader in case your relationship is threatened
or shaky.
• Embrace dialogue and proper
communication. After talking, a couple may
realise there was nothing to be insecure
about after all!
• Take a little more time to learn your spouse
— know how they respond to different
circumstances and situations, and understand
their profession and what it entails.
• Give a benefit of doubt. If you haven’t
caught your spouse red-handed and you are
basing your accusations only on fertile
imaginations, you will bruise your
relationship.
• Know and play your role well in your
relationship. Be confident that the tw
• Avoid being petty and be clear in sending
your love signals to your partner.

WHAT YOUR DRINK SAYS ABOUT YOU

Attention party people. Here is some
information you would like to have before
you order your drink. In the clubbing and
night scene, you are what you drink. If you
peruse the club, what a person drinks will tell
you how to approach them or even if you
should attempt to approach them.
1. Blackice/Kingfisher
I have nothing against it. Sincerely. But its'
sanctity has been tainted by the myriads of
non-drinkers who have been ushered into the
other side by someone overly ambitious to
get into their pants. Black-ice is infamously
known for its single handed ability of overly
'exciting' those who partake it. Most of the
time, when you spot black ice or kingfisher,
you are most probably looking at a novice
drinker finding their footing in the drinking
world, or a person about to be 'chipod' for
the night.
2. Heineken/imported beer
This is a chilled person, probably lots of fun
to hang with and is there to have fun and
unwind in a huge way. Heineken drinkers are
usually the cool kids on the block. They are
laid back but also conscious of their image
therefore they are particular about the brand
they are holding.
3. Local beer
This belongs to a genre of absolutely down
to earth and chilled people who don't give a
rat's ass what you think. They will drink, do
whatever their drinks bids them to do and
they will go home and not care. Period.
Simpletons at heart who give no chills.
The other lot who adore local beer are
tourists. They sort of fall in love with it as
soon as they taste it. Cheers to you EABL!
4. Soda/juice
Team Jesus dragged by workmates to the
club. But if it is a lady, two theories are
possible; she is either expectant or she is a
recent team Jesus convert who still needs to
party. It always look odd to drink none
alcoholic drinks in a club. The best bet are
virgin cocktails. That way, no one knows if
you are drinking or not.
5. Wine
They love to think of themselves as classy
and they uphold themselves to live up to a
certain expectation. They are particular to
what they drink and they have the means to
support it.
6. Whisky
A classy man who takes himself seriously and
will not drink just anything. A man who
knows and appreciates the finer things in life
and is not afraid to have them.
7. Rum
A rebel at heart who takes pride in it and
lives for themselves. When they party, they
party hard without limits.
8. Vodka
The ultimate party drink that you gets people
in the mood. This person is a party animal
trying to rave their system up to get ready
for a crazy night. Vodka tends to touch the
very tips of your crazy and lets it roam free.
9. Cocktails
Classy all the way from their hair to toes.
Cocktails are the heaven sent drinks when
you want to satisfy both your palate and your
thirst. Cocktails are made for those who want
and experience form their drinks, not just to
merely get high. Granted, you can easily get
knocked out by a few cocktails, but you will
look good and enjoy doing it.

A MANS' KITCHEN

The person who will invent a machine for us
men which we can throw food ingredients
into and get a delicious hot meal after some
few minutes of buzzing and flashing will
definitely become a billionaire. Cooking is a
headache for men. And don't even mention
cleaning. So when it comes to the kitchen,
most men use simple guidelines to make life
in the kitchen easy.
1) Only clean the utensils you REALLY need to
use at that particular time. What's the use of
cleaning all utensils only for them to get dirty
all over again.
2) Pots that cooked tea are reusable
provided you are cooking more tea. Plates
that were used with dry foods like bread are
considered clean and reusable.
3) Dirty cooking pots are best washed after
soaking them for a couple of days. That is
enough time for all the germs to drown. Pots
that made ugali are best left for the
girlfriend/other visiting female unless she
doesn't appear for two weeks.
4) The frying pan is ever clean. Germs know
better than mess with a frying pan.
5) Knives never get germs. Germs know
better than to play with knives
6) Fried eggs and tomatoes are an acceptable
stew for anything; including fried eggs and
tomatoes.
7) The kitchen cloth will eventually get
stained. Its better to stain it comprehensively
the first time you use it and avoid waiting for
the stains to gather.
8) Dead bugs should not be removed from
the kitchen floor until all their relatives pay
their last respects.
9) Visitors will get two choices of food in the
kitchen. (1) Take it (2) Leave it
10) The fridge should only be washed if you
accidentally spill beer inside. The cleaning
should be restricted to the area of the spill.
11) A microwave is a demi-god. It can cook
anything except eggs. But we keep trying
with more eggs and hope to get a
breakthrough one day.
12) Ladies are magicians in the kitchen. So
when they start doing their acts in the
kitchen, sit down and watch in amazement.
Cheer occasionally. Only offer to help during
the eating phase.

FAN, FANATIC OR SUPPOTER??

This season to be an Manchester united  supporter! It’s tough. It’s

so tough that fans are turning against each

other as we try to decipher what exactly is

wrong with the club.

Fan 1: Surely united's character or lack of it

in big games must be a reflection of their

manager. Enough said!

Fan 2: You want to support a winning team,

go to Bayern. Or Real. Or Barca. united is

full of idiots, me included. If you can't take a

defeat on the chin, you my friend are a

plastic paper fan.

Fan 1: If being a plastic paper fan for you

means no criticism then I'm glad to be one.

The conversation went on for a little while as

to who was the real fan so I am compelled

to explain because, at the end of the day,

they all love Manchester united

I think Fan 1 in the conversation is just that –

a fan.

A “fan” according to the dictionary is “an

ardent admirer”, in this case of a football

team. This person loves the club because

what happens at the club pleases him, or

her. The love runs deep to the point where

even if the club does something he or she

doesn’t like, the loyalty remains.

A fan wants his club to do well and openly

analyses and criticises the problems at the

club. The fan, unlike the fanatic, isn’t blinded

by what happens and longs for success. In

the case of the conversation, the

fan recognises that what is drawing Manchester united

down is manager David Moyes.

He sees that the manager doesn’t instill in

the players belief that they can conquer big

clubs. Why else would you explain why

united have been on the receiving end of

massive losses to clubs like Liverpool, Man

City and Chelsea this season.

Does criticising the club you love make you

less of a fan? In my view it doesn’t.

Fan 2 in the conversation is what I

would describe as a “fanatic!”

A “fanatic”, according to the dictionary, is “a

person whose enthusiasm or zeal for

something is extreme or beyond normal

limits.”

While a fanatic also wants his club to do

well, there is always an excuse or rather

acceptance when things don’t go well. A

fanatic will never blame anyone in particular.

That is why the fanatic tells the fan in the

conversation to defect if it’s a winning team

that they are after.

Then we have “supporters” of football clubs.

Finding one definition of this word in terms

of football was hard but generally these

people are a mixture of fans and fanatics,

but who also spend money regularly on the

running of the club. They often pay

membership fees but definitely buy season

tickets. Some supporters are referred to as

“ultras” and one English journalist lists these

four traits as those of ultras:

·         never stop singing or chanting during a

match, no matter what the result

·         never sit down during a match

·         attend as many games as possible (home

and away), regardless of cost or distance

loyalty to the stand in which the group is

located

While supporters border on fanatics they do

have a vested financial interest in the club so

they do criticise when needed. They have to

because they have a lot to lose when the

club isn’t winning.

Please note that, while I have lost faith in

David Moyes, the players aren’t blameless

because they aren’t children to be baby-fed

every step of the way. I do feel we need a

leader at Manchester United who will guide the team to

success.

I consider myself a fan because I love

Manchester united, but I criticise it when

things go awry. I worry about fanatics

because I think every bad incident needs to

be questioned.

I respect the supporters but geographically it

makes it’s impossible for fans in Africa to

buy season tickets and attend matches

regularly.

Just for kicks, though, ask yourself today

whether you are a fan, a fanatic or a

supporter? The bottom-line for each of these

characteristics, is that we all love the club

NOTE: I AM FOR MOYES OUT.

30 THINGS TO STOP IN LIFE

#1. Stop spending time with the
wrong people. – Life is too short to
spend time with people who suck the
happiness out of you.  If someone
wants you in their life, they’ll make
room for you. You shouldn’t have to
fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist
yourself to someone who continuously
overlooks your worth. And remember,
it’s not the people that stand by your
side when you’re at your best, but the
ones who stand beside you when you’re
at your worst that are your true
friends.

#2. Stop running from your
problems. – Face them head on.  No, it
won’t be easy. There is no person in
the world capable of flawlessly
handling every punch thrown at them.
We aren’t supposed to be able to
instantly solve problems.  That’s not
how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made
to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.
Because that’s the whole purpose of
living – to face problems, learn, adapt,
and solve them over the course of
time. This is what ultimately molds us
into the person we become.

#3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can
lie to anyone else in the world, but you
can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve
only when we take chances, and the
first and most difficult chance we can
take is to be honest with ourselves.
#4. Stop putting your own needs on
the back burner. – The most painful
thing is losing yourself in the process of
loving someone too much, and
forgetting that you are special too.  Yes,
help others; but help yourself too. If
there was ever a moment to follow
your passion and do something that
matters to you, that moment is now.
#5. Stop trying to be someone you’re
not. – One of the greatest challenges in
life is being yourself in a world that’s
trying to make you like everyone else.
Someone will always be prettier,
someone will always be smarter,
someone will always be younger, but
they will never be you.  Don’t change so
people will like you. Be yourself and
the right people will love the real you.
#6. Stop trying to hold onto the past.
– You can’t start the next chapter of
your life if you keep re-reading your
last one.
#7. Stop being scared to make a
mistake. – Doing something and getting
it wrong is at least ten times more
productive than doing nothing.  Every
success has a trail of failures behind it,
and every failure is leading towards
success.  You end up regretting the
things you did NOT do far more than
the things you did.
#8. Stop berating yourself for old
mistakes. – We may love the wrong
person and cry about the wrong things,
but no matter how things go wrong,
one thing is for sure, mistakes help us
find the person and things that are
right for us.  We all make mistakes,
have struggles, and even regret things
in our past.  But you are not your
mistakes, you are not your struggles,
and you are here NOW with the power
to shape your day and your future.
Every single thing that has ever
happened in your life is preparing you
for a moment that is yet to come.
#9. Stop trying to buy happiness. –
Many of the things we desire are
expensive. But the truth is, the things
that really satisfy us are totally free –
love, laughter and working on our
passions.
#10. Stop exclusively looking to
others for happiness. – If you’re not
happy with who you are on the inside,
you won’t be happy in a long-term
relationship with anyone else either.
You have to create stability in your
own life first before you can share it
with someone else.
#11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too
much or you’ll create a problem that
wasn’t even there in the first place.
Evaluate situations and take decisive
action. You cannot change what you
refuse to confront. Making progress
involves risk.  Period! You can’t make
it to second base with your foot on
first.
#12. Stop thinking you’re not ready.
– Nobody ever feels 100% ready when
an opportunity arises. Because most
great opportunities in life force us to
grow beyond our comfort zones, which
means we won’t feel totally
comfortable at first.
#13. Stop getting involved in
relationships for the wrong reasons.
– Relationships must be chosen wisely.
It’s better to be alone than to be in bad
company.  There’s no need to rush. If
something is meant to be, it will happen
– in the right time, with the right
person, and for the best reason. Fall in
love when you’re ready, not when
you’re lonely.
#14. Stop rejecting new relationships
just because old ones didn’t work. –
In life you’ll realize that there is a
purpose for everyone you meet. Some
will test you, some will use you and
some will teach you. But most
importantly, some will bring out the
best in you.
#15. Stop trying to compete against
everyone else. – Don’t worry about
what others are doing better than you.
Concentrate on beating your own
records every day.  Success is a battle
between YOU and YOURSELF only.
#16. Stop being jealous of others. –
Jealousy is the art of counting someone
else’s blessings instead of your own.
Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I
have that everyone wants?”
#17. Stop complaining and feeling
sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs
are thrown for a reason – to shift your
path in a direction that is meant for
you. You may not see or understand
everything the moment it happens, and
it may be tough. But reflect back on
those negative curveballs thrown at
you in the past.  You’ll often see that
eventually they led you to a better
place, person, state of mind, or
situation.  So smile!  Let everyone
know that today you are a lot stronger
than you were yesterday, and you will
be.
#18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t
live your life with hate in your heart.
You will end up hurting yourself more
than the people you hate.  Forgiveness
is not saying, “What you did to me is
okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to
let what you did to me ruin my
happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the
answer… let go, find peace, liberate
yourself! And remember, forgiveness
is not just for other people, it’s for you
too.  If you must, forgive yourself,
move on and try to do better next time.
#19. Stop letting others bring you
down to their level. – Refuse to lower
your standards to accommodate those
who refuse to raise theirs.
#20. Stop wasting time explaining
yourself to others. – Your friends
don’t need it and your enemies won’t
believe it anyway. Just do what you
know in your heart is right.
#21. Stop doing the same things over
and over without taking a break. –
The time to take a deep breath is when
you don’t have time for it. If you keep
doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep
getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes
you need to distance yourself to see
things clearly.
#22. Stop overlooking the beauty of
small moments. – Enjoy the little
things, because one day you may look
back and discover they were the big
things. The best portion of your life
will be the small, nameless moments
you spend smiling with someone who
matters to you.
#23. Stop trying to make things
perfect. – The real world doesn’t
reward perfectionists, it rewards
people who get things done.
#24. Stop following the path of least
resistance. – Life is not easy,
especially when you plan on achieving
something worthwhile.  Don’t take the
easy way out.  Do something
extraordinary.
#25. Stop acting like everything is
fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart
for a little while.  You don’t always
have to pretend to be strong, and there
is no need to constantly prove that
everything is going well. You shouldn’t
be concerned with what other people
are thinking either – cry if you need to
– it’s healthy to shed your tears. The
sooner you do, the sooner you will be
able to smile again.
#26. Stop blaming others for your
troubles. – The extent to which you
can achieve your dreams depends on
the extent to which you take
responsibility for your life. When you
blame others for what you’re going
through, you deny responsibility – you
give others power over that part of
your life.
#27. Stop trying to be everything to
everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and
trying will only burn you out. But
making one person smile CAN change
the world. Maybe not the whole world,
but their world.  So narrow your focus.
#28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry
will not strip tomorrow of its burdens,
it will strip today of its joy. One way
to check if something is worth mulling
over is to ask yourself this question:
“Will this matter in one year’s time?
Three years? Five years?” If not, then
it’s not worth worrying about.
#29. Stop focusing on what you don’t
want to happen. – Focus on what you
do want to happen.  Positive thinking is
at the forefront of every great success
story.  If you awake every morning
with the thought that something
wonderful will happen in your life
today, and you pay close attention,
you’ll often find that you’re right.
#30. Stop being ungrateful. – No
matter how good or bad you have it,
wake up each day thankful for your
life.  Someone somewhere else is
desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead
of thinking about what you’re missing,
try thinking about what you have that
everyone else is missing.

SIGNS SHE IS NOT INTO YOU

Girls are not easy to understand. No wonder
it becomes very confusing for a normal guy
to find out, if a girl is interested or
otherwise. However there are also cases
when we become victims of ignorance where
we fail to notice basic signs that lie in front
of our eyes. It is always better to pick these
signs, before she assumes you to be this
desperate psycho trying every chance to gain
her attention.
Here are some signs that she is not that into
you…

1. She often doesn’t bother to return
your calls or text back:
You could assume that probably she’s been
so busy with work that she didn’t get even
two minutes to spare or that she obviously
must have lost her phone or you could just
come face-to-face with reality that, she’s
just not that into you.

2. She flirts with boys all the time:
When a girl likes you more than a friend,
there can be no excuse why would she do
this. So instead of making yourself believe
that she’s just trying to make you jealous,
why don’t you just come close to the truth?
And the obvious truth here is, the girl is not
that into you.

 3. She shuns you away like a
fly:
Females always respect the one whom they
are interested in. It is in their DNA. There
can be no other explanation for belittling you,
often forgetting promises made to you and
choosing everything possible over you. So if a
girl acts like she really doesn’t give a damn,
probably she really doesn’t give a damn.

4. She runs away from commitment with
you:
When you try to talk about your future
together, she changes the topic. It is time to
face the fact. She does this because she
doesn’t want to have a future with you and
she may be flirting around with you.

5. She doesn’t return your advances:
Think about how she reacts when you ask her
for a date. Does she just change the topic or
come up with silly excuses? If at all she
agrees to come out with you, does she
always try to bring someone along? Here the
huge possibility is that she doesn’t want to
be anything more than friends with you. She
has already made it pretty evident. It is just
you, who is delaying to pick the signs

6. She is very amused by your jokes:
If a girl finds you funny, half of the job of
getting her attracted to you is done. However
if she just won’t laugh at your jokes, if she
rolls her eyes at your witty comments and
sulks at your funny one-liners, she isn’t that
into you.

7. She ignores you often:
You catch a glimpse of her on the street. You
excitedly wave in her direction. But she walks
away as if she never saw you. When you
finally manage to reach her and ask her why
she didn’t say hi to you, she acts all innocent
saying that she didn’t notice you. Well
obviously she didn’t notice you because she
was trying hard not to!

8. She is often quiet around you:
Women love to talk. So once that mouthpiece
goes into silent mode, it is time to worry.
You often notice her not being herself around
you and often not telling you even basic
important things about her day. You need not
look further my brother, the big obvious truth
staring at you in the face is that she is not
that into you.

9. She often makes plans minus you:
All girls like their space. But if most of her
big plans don’t include you, this is a sign of
trouble in paradise. It is so obvious that she
is just trying to get away from you and
doesn’t know how to tell it to you.

10. Nice Comments:
You write nice Facebook posts or rather made
a nice comment on a blog, she sees it and
either likes your comment or reply you nicely,
that’s it! That doesn’t mean she likes you and
it’s not a sign that she is into you.

11. She sends out signs that she is
uncomfortable:
If you take a step towards her, she jolts
backwards.when you try to kiss her she faces away.. This is a clear indication that she
feels uncomfortable around you. Do you
seriously need any more signs?
Sometimes the signs are not that hard to
pick. It is just that you are so blinded in love
that you just won’t notice. All you got to do
is open your eyes to notice the very much
visible truth-she’s not that into you!

ENJOY YOUR GAME..ANNOY EVERYONE ELSE

The football season is well underway.The following are guidelines for
watching football and annoying everyone else
in the process. It is your right. And no, don't
be told

1) The referee can hear you. Keep yelling.
Yell louder if he makes a bad call. There
have been reports of special transmitters by
the world famous IDGAF company given to
referees to hear all complaints and take
them to account.

2) If a player wastes a golden chance, take
out your frustration on furniture. Bang tables
and kick chairs. There is a special vibration
that transmits that as pain to the player in
question and causes him serious constipation.
And herpes if you punch your nuts.

3) Sulk when you lose. The world will
definitely stop and mourn with you simply
because your team lost a GAME.

4) Kicking an imaginary ball sometimes helps
the real ball go in the direction you want.
You are - undoubtedly- far much better than
the player who is paid the equivalent of your
five year earnings in a week to play.

5) Standing up helps the striker score. Do it
more often.

6) The commentator needs your help. I'm
serious.

7) Celebrate a goal more wildly than the one
who scored it. You know, the one getting
paid for it.

8) Provide detailed expertise at half time on
how to improve in the next half. A wind will
blow that information to the dressing room
and the manager will obviously pass that on
to the players.

9) Yell at players some more.

10) Shout orders to the players. Tell them
who to pass the ball to. They are usually
given micro speakers to listen to your advice.

11) Lastly, drink A LOT when your team loses.
The team will reimburse you at the end of
the season with an apology note for the
money spent, hangovers and time lost.

GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED

If Manchester United were looking for
inspiration to reach the Champions
League quarter-finals, they must have turned
back the clock to almost 30 years to the
day.
On 21 March 1984, the Manchester night sky
was gloomy, and the outlook for the hosts
equally dreary.
The Red Devils were hosting Spanish giants
Barcelona in the second leg of their Cup
Winners' Cup quarter-final, with a
vociferous home crowd hopefully optimistic -
rather than expectant - of overturning a 2-0
deficit.
"We knew we had a mountain to climb,"
then-United boss Ron Atkinson tells BBC
Sport.
But, against a Barca team built around the
irrepressible Diego Maradona - widely
acclaimed as the world's best player - and
mercurial West Germany midfielder Bernd
Schuster, Atkinson's side upset the lengthy
odds.
On Wednesday, Old Trafford was packed
to the rafters for another crucial European
tie. David Moyes's much-maligned side need
to turn around a humbling 2-0 first-leg
defeat by Greek champions Olympiakos to
reach the last eight.

No Red Devils side has managed to nullify a
two-goal deficit on the European stage
since the famous win against Barcelona.
Then, many observers had given United little
hope of rescuing the tie. A last-minute
strike from home winger Juan Carlos Rojo,
added to Scottish defender Graeme Hogg's
first-half own goal, put Barca in command
at the Nou Camp.
Ahead of the return fixture, Atkinson told
his players to forget about the first leg,
concentrate on winning the Old Trafford
match and let the rest take care of itself.
"The first game wasn't a great game, we
didn't play particularly well but felt the
scoreline flattered Barcelona a little bit,"
says Atkinson, who managed United
between 1981 and 1986 before he was
replaced by Sir Alex Ferguson.
"They didn't cause us many problems but
scored the late second. They thought that
goal put the tie to bed.
'Noise like you have never heard'
"On the day of the game I always remember
United chairman Martin Edwards saying to
me: 'You will hear a noise inside Old
Trafford tonight like you have never heard in
your career,'" recalls Atkinson.
Backed by 58,350 noisy Mancunians, United
unsettled their illustrious opponents from
the first kick. Loud jeers and whistles from
the stands greeted every Catalan touch as a
flurry of red shirts surrounded the ball.
Northern Ireland forward Norman Whiteside
almost put United ahead when his 15th-
minute lob bounced off the top of the
crossbar after Barca goalkeeper Javier
Urruticoechea unconvincingly flapped at Ray
Wilkins's teasing right-wing cross.
Urruticoechea's indecision caused panic
among his defenders and provided impetus
to the home players. Barcelona grew edgy,
United grew in stature.
"That set the tone for the goalkeeper being
nervous," remembers Arthur Albiston,
United's left-back on the night.
As Barca wilted, United quickly took
advantage of the building pressure. Another
Wilkins delivery, this time from a left-wing
corner, caused consternation among the
visitors as United skipper Bryan Robson flung
himself at Whiteside's near-post flick to
head in.
Old Trafford erupted. The hosts dared to
dream.
'Captain Marvel' outshines Maradona
Barcelona managed to regain some
composure before the half-time break, but
were overwhelmed by the home side's
rampant start to the second period.
Inspired by box-to-box midfielder Robson,
United refused to let Barcelona settle on
the ball, forcing the visitors into more
errors.
"All the build up was about Maradona. But
it was the match which gave Bryan Robson
the world-class status he deserved," says
Manchester United Supporters Trust vice-
chairman Ian Stirling, who was stood on the
Old Trafford terraces.
Shortly after the restart, Robson pounced on
a rebound to net United's second in front of
a jubilant Stretford End.
Spain midfielder Victor Munoz panicked
under pressure, playing a dangerous back
pass towards a scrambling Urruticoechea,
who could then only parry Wilkins's stinging
shot, leaving Robson with an easy finish.
United were level in the tie - and knew
Barca were rocking.
Wilkins, wheeling his arms in motion while in
possession, urged his team-mates forward,
while Atkinson instructed them to "attack
but attack sensibly" from the touchline.
They needed less than a minute to grab the
third.
Robson sprayed an inch-perfect ball out to
the left touchline, where Scottish left-back
Albiston galloped forward.
"In Spain, Barcelona didn't have to defend
against crosses bombed into the box,"
Albiston told BBC Sport. "With the aerial
threat of Frank Stapleton, Norman Whiteside
and Bryan Robson, we knew if we got a
good ball into the box, then Barca would
struggle to cope."
Albiston delivered a teasing, deep cross
which the Spanish defence could not clear
as Whiteside headed back to strike partner
Stapleton.
Old Trafford held its collective breath.
Stapleton kept his cool.
The Republic of Ireland striker prodded in
the third and United led for the first time in
the tie.
United heartbreak if Barca score
"The problem we had then, in hindsight,
was we had another half-an-hour to hang
on knowing full well an away goal would
send us out," says Atkinson.
There were moments of concern, notably
when United substitute Mark Hughes - the
current Stoke City manager - bundled over a
Barca opponent inside his own penalty area.
"It was a stick-on penalty," concedes
Atkinson.
Italian referee Paolo Casarin waved away
Barca's protests and United survived to
claim a famous win.
Ecstatic home fans raced on to the pitch to
congratulate their heroes. Robson, who had
been linked with a move away from Old
Trafford to Italy's Serie A, was mobbed,
hugged and kissed, then carried shoulder-
high off the pitch by his adoring followers.
"Even to this day, players who played and
people in the stands - and Manchester
United have had many great nights - would
say, atmospherically, they have never known
a night like that," concludes Atkinson.
Whether David Moyes has sat his
underachieving players down in front of a
big screen to watch grainy highlights, we do
not know.
But Wayne Rooney might have taken inspiration from
Robson. Danny Welbeck should have been
encouraged by Wilkins. And Robin van Persie
did seek motivation from Stapleton.
"This is one of the great Old Trafford
nights. This is what European football is
about," gushed a proud Atkinson after the
final whistle.
Olympiakos were not Barcelona. Joel
Campbell would not lace Maradona's boots.
But still the Red Devils managed to overcome
the Greek champions and reach the
Champions League quarter-finals.
that was the manchester united were, the manchester united we are and the manchester united we will always be