WHERE DO YOU FALL?

According to Tony Masikonde, in the world of romance one single rule reigns: make the woman happy. It’s now in the notion that men exist in this world to make the women of this world comfortable. Therefore when they tell you to be a gentleman they simply mean join the bandwagon of male enslavement.

Do something she likes you get points, do something she doesn’t like you lose points. You don’t get points for doing something she expects.

Simply here is a guide to the point system (I must caution that it’s not a universal scale, so don’t come screaming that it didn’t work)

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed [+1]. You make the bed but you forget the decorative pillow [0]. You throw the bed spread over rumpled sheets [-1].

You go to buy her what she wants [+5], in the rain [+8], but return with beer [-5]. You check out a suspicious noise at night [0], it’s nothing [0], the suspicious noise is something [+5]. You pummel it with iron rod [+10], it’s her pet [-10].

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT

You stay by her side the entire party [0]. You stay by her side for while, then leave to chat with a former college friend [-2], named Tina [-4]. Tina is a good dancer [-6], Tina has a breathtaking behind—you know well rounded and plumpish [-80].

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to an expensive dinner [0]. You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar [+1]. Okay, it’s a sports bar [-2]. It’s an all you can eat night [-3]. It’s a sports bar, it’s all you can eat night and your face is painted the colours of your favorite football team [-10].

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly [-15] but you exercise to get rid of it [+10]. You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Mandela shirts [-30]. You say “it doesn’t matter you have one too” [-800]. The big question: she asks “Do I look fat?” you say yes you lose point no matter what [-5]. You hesitate in responding [-10] you reply “where?” [-35]. Any other response [-50] yawa!!

COMMUNICATION.

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listening, displaying what looks like a concerned expression [0]. You listen to her for over 30 minutes [+50]. You listen for 30 minutes without looking at the TV [+500]. She realizes this because you have fallen asleep [-1000].

Now in such a lopsided world, how are the brothers going to get hitched?? Its time men also crafted their point system. This would work as ‘BOMAS’ draft.

She offers to miss her favorite soap so that the brother can watch a rerun leg of last weekend football match [+30]. She later claims to have a headache at bedtime [-99]. She lends the guy cash to go out with the boys [+250]. She accompanies him to watch football [0].she is not a football fan [-10]. She helps settle beer bills [+5]. She grumbles while doing it [-10]. You ask what’s the problem and she retorts “am fine” [-25]

She offers to drive you to her place after you get quite inebriated [+15]. She rams the car into the gate [-100]. Later she turns down your drunken advances [-75]. She makes you a sumptuous breakfast the following day [0]. And offer to do the dishes and clothes [0].

Do the math…how many points do you have???